Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
