At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
