and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize