the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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