If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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