i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
