Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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