They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
