so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
