last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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