You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
