Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize