i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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