WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
