I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How does it feel to date your dad?
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