Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize