dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
