I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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