If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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