either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
