I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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