I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
