so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
