I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
