Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
