dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
