I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
