I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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