im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He shit in the fireplace
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
