Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
