You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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