Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
