I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
