It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
