I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
