I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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