He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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