Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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