We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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