I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
