Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
COCAINE IS GR8
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
