You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
