i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
