so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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