the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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