24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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