Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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