We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
