i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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