Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
