What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
