Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
