Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
