i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
