My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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