i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize