Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
