i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize