I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
