Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
