i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
