My sheets look like a crime scene.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize