I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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