I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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