super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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