I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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