Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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