Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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