I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
