life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
