the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
love makes seman taste better
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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